On Fatherhood

Dedicated to my father,

My first and truest example

Of what it means to be a man.

There is a crisis in our world. It does not have the theatrical force of a hurricane or the publicity of acts of violence. Rather, this threat is slowly growing like the rising waters of a flood which go unnoticed until the levy breaks. And then it is too late.

We have a dearth of manliness in our culture, but more importantly of fatherhood. You can't have the latter without the former. There are a lot of examples of fake manliness. Of men who treat women like objects for their own gratification. Of men who use their God-given strength not in defense of the innocent, but who have "overturned the way of the poor and oppressed together the meek of the earth" (Job 24:5).

We have had too many men who take the easy way instead of the "narrow gate" (Matthew 7:13). I have read story after story about men who pressure their girlfriends, wives, and daughters into having abortions because of their own fears and convenience. That is why pro-choice is not pro-women. Abortion is a way for men to oppress women. To exploit them.

More and more men are rejecting the Truth and perverting their sexuality, be it for premarital relations or homosexuality. In the height of folly, men are even going so far as to reject the biological and spiritual reality of their manhood claiming they "identify" as something else.

Men are falling away from the Church and even from the belief in God altogether. They claim to be advanced or evolved, but atheism and humanism are the most barbaric creeds of all. Without God man becomes nothing but meat and is treated as such.

A crisis of manliness means a crisis of fatherhood. Fathers should be an example to their sons, a beacon of strength and virtue. They should not enable the sins of their children for the sake of moral relativism or let them "experiment," go through a "phase." Fathers cannot allow their children to pick their gender. They ought to be an example of holiness, not of vice.

Too many families do not have fathers at all. Single-parent households are the natural consequence of promiscuity. The fathers are there for the good times, but leave as soon as commitment or responsibility looms. And study after study points to the significantly higher rates of crime and delinquency of children raised in a single-mother home. The prevalence of single-parent homes in the African American community almost completely accounts for its higher crime rate.

As goes the father, so go his children.

But not all men are bad. Far from it. For every Mordred there is a King Arthur. For every Goliath, a David. For every dragon, a knight in shining armor.

We have good men in our world today. They just tend not to be where the spotlight is.

There are hosts of men who refuse to follow the norm and instead follow their God, no matter the consequences. St. Joseph trusted in the message of Archangel Gabriel even though he knew taking the Virgin Mary into his home might have been scandalous. St. Stephen testified to the Truth even as his body was broken by stones. St. Augustine had the humility to seek forgiveness after his life of sinful wordiness and became a bold defender of the Truth. St. Maximilian Kolbe gave his life for another man without fanfare or hesitation.

Two of my favorite Biblical examples of manliness are Mattathias and his son, Judas Maccabeus. Mattathias was the father of five sons in the day of the oppression of Israel by King Antiochus. Though he was offered gold, silver, and influence, Mattathias refused to forsake the Lord and the law saying "Although all nations obey King Antiochus... I and my sons, and my brethren will obey the law of our fathers. God be merciful unto us: it is not profitable for us to forsake the law and the justices of God" (1 Maccabees 2:19-21). Faced with the pressures of the world, tempted with its riches, and threatened with its sword, Mattathias did not abandon his faith. Furthermore, he did not allow his sons to abandon their faith. On his deathbed, Mattathias said to his gathered sons: "You, therefore, my sons, take courage, and behave manfully in the law: for by it you shall be glorious" (1 Maccabees 2:64).

His son, Judas Maccabeus, having such an example for a father, grew up to be a great man who "in his acts he was like a lion" (1 Maccabees 3:4). Like his father, "he pursued the wicked and sought them out" (1 Maccabees 3:5) and fought "for our lives and our laws" (1 Maccabees 3:21). He did not use the strength of his arm for self-aggrandizement but rather for justice. His last words are very telling of the sacrificial way he lived his life: "God forbid we should do this thing, and flee away from them: but if our time be come, let us die manfully for our brethren, and let us not stain our glory" (1 Maccabees 9:10).

 There are men who sacrifice everything for their families. Men who work late hours to put food on the table and get their kids through college. Men who put off their ambitions to raise a child. Men who refuse to cave to what the world says. Men who stand up for the innocent and defenseless, especially the unborn. Men who put God first in their lives, then their family, and at last themselves.

My father is such a man. As I have grown, I have learned just how blessed I am. Few enough fathers go to Mass. Even less lead their children to God as my father has. Growing up Catholic in a public school is hard. Again and again, my father pushed me, not just to get by and keep my head down, but to thrive. He's the hardest working man I have ever known, but he always has time for his children. Throughout my childhood, I cannot remember a single selfish act of his.

At the same time, my father did not allow his children to grow up without a sense of responsibility and virtue. There was never any room for relativistic nonsense in our household.

My father is a rock. No matter the tumult in my life, he is always there. He has always been there for his children.

His love for my mother is an example of the sacred and sacramental nature of marriage. By word and most importantly by deed, he taught me about the dignity of woman and the importance of men of virtue.

So on this father's day, I would like to thank my dad. I would not be who I am today without him. I pray that we might have more fathers like him in this age. I firmly believe that with a revival of manliness and true fatherhood in our world, a whole lot of problems would quickly disappear.

Rise up Men of God.

Deus Vult!