A Divorce Society

We have lost our reverence for the sacrament of marriage. You hear this a lot in reference to the legalization of homosexual "unions," which are indeed a terrible mockery of the indissoluble union between man and woman instituted by God. But this is just one of the symptoms of a culture bereft of respect for matrimony, and a rather minor one at that. Proportionately, there are surprisingly few homosexuals. Therefore the effects of gay marriage are relatively limited in scope.

There is one symptom of our culture of death and disunity that dwarfs homosexual "marriage" in both scope and significance: divorce. 

Divorce is so commonplace today, it's almost moral gray noise. We forget that half of modern marriages end in divorce. We forget that whole legal practices have been built upon divorce cases. No one pays any attention to the fact that celebrities have five ex-wives and their current spouse is half their age. Nevertheless the roots of a lot of our problems today lie in divorce. Divorce could well be what kills our culture. 

Indissolubility is one of the essential characteristics of the Sacrament of marriage. God did not intend for the wedding band to be a rubber band, easily stretched and easily broken. Marriage is a union that should be set in gold, not broken for convenience. 

Christ's teachings on this subject are very clear: "What God has joined together, man must not separate.... I say to you, whoever divorces his wife

(unless the marriage is unlawful)
and marries another commits adultery." (Matthew 19:6,9)

It is amazing how easily the words of the Gospel are forgotten by Christians. The teachings of the Church, however, are decisive. Matrimony is a sacrament that should not be changed. 

Apologists for the existence of divorce always fall back to the singular example of an abusive spouse. Clearly, they say, such a case would merit the severance of marital relationships. The Church allows for the physical separation of spouses in extremely grave cases such as abuse. Reconciliation, however, remains the goal in such cases. The nature of the marital bond means that the one spouse must never give up on the other. In extreme cases, there is the process of annulment. Ecclesiastical authorities can declare a marriage to be null and void, as if the bond had never existed in the first place, but this is the exception and not the rule. 

Nowadays, couples become divorced for trivialities. They break the divine bond of matrimony for incompatibility of temper or even economical reasons. There are several attitudes of this culture of death that contribute to a high divorce rate.

The most prevalent erroneous attitude towards marriage is that of temporality. A man and a woman should not become married because they are attracted to one another for beauty is fleeting with age. They should become married because they love one another, not with a carnal love, but with a sacrificial love. Marriage is not a condition forced upon a couple because of the duration of their relationship. It is not the evolution of a dating relationship, but the highest form of love a man can have for a woman and likewise. 

Some like to think that divorce is a victimless phenomenon, that its effect is limited to husband and wife, that since two consenting adults agree to go their separate ways no harm has been done. That is not the truth. Irreparable damage is done to the very core of society: the nuclear family. Children are never the same after a divorce. Regardless of age, they are scarred for the rest of their lives. Suddenly, Mommy and Daddy are no longer living together. The children are deprived of the gift of a father and a mother. Vast numbers of families today are headed by single-moms. 

Binders of studies have been done on the effects of only having a single parent. The single most common denominator for prison inmates is that they were raised by a single parent. A 1996 study showed that 70% of juvenile delinquents were raised by single mothers. Divorce is even more prevalent in minority families. A study by the Progressive Policy issue showed that if you control for the effects of single mothers, the difference between the white and black crime rates disappears. 

The scariest numbers, however, come from a Village Voice cited study. If a child was raised by a single mother, they "are five times more likely to commit suicide, nine times more likely to drop out of high school, 10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances, 14 times more likely to commit rape (for the boys), 20 times more likely to end up in prison, and 32 times more likely to run away from home." 

(Note: most of these studies were listed in an article on rightwingnews.com)

Divorce is a viscous cycle. Even if a couple doesn't have a child when they first get divorced, aren't they even more likely to get divorced a second and a third time? And a child from a divorced family, will undoubtedly be far more inclined to have a divorce when they themselves become married. That is the cycle that will dethrone the world as we know it. 

What we need today are more models of the beauty of Holy Matrimony. We need more married couples who embody the spirit of St. Monica. St. Monica is best remembered by her relationship with her son, St. Augustine. Augustine was an avowed heretic for many years. He was an outspoken opponent of the Church during a time of Roman persecution. But through the unceasing prayers of his pious mother, Augustine became a Catholic and went on to become one of the greatest doctors of the Church. Clearly, St. Monica is an example of the value of persistent prayer and the need to pray for one's children. But there is a better reason that she should serve as the model for married couples today.

No marriage is perfect. You cannot expect two human beings to live together and never fight. Nevertheless, it is certainly true that some marriages are much more difficult than others. St. Monica's marriage was one of those. She was married to Patricius, a pagan. Patricius was about as abusive as a spouse can get. He verbally abused the faith that Monica held so dearly to her heart. He was both an alcoholic and a gambler. But St. Monica never gave up on her husband. It is very doubtful that she always liked him, but she never stopped loving him. Just as her persistent prayers saved her son, St. Monica's faith converted her husband on his deathbed.

We need more couples like St. Monica and less like those on Desperate Housewives.

Marriage is a sacred institution created by God. People like to say that Christians did not create marriage and therefore they have no say on the subject. Only half of that is true. Christians did not come up with marriage just as they did not invent the Mass. Both were instituted by God Himself. It is therefore impossible for us to change the essential nature of marriage. All we can do is twist and pervert it. Yes, homosexuality distorts Holy Matrimony. Divorce, however, does so even more.

Deus Volt!